Thursday, April 22, 2010

Two Years Ago Today...

Two years ago today
I said to myself
No more.
Two years ago today
I made a choice
That broke my heart.
Two years ago today
I left my dog and cat
It was a choice.
Two years ago today
I chose Life
Because if I didn't
I was going to eventually be killed.

Two years ago today
I had a window
of three hours.
I packed what I could
in my Get Away Van
The one God gave me
The day before.

There was no gas
It was 25 degrees out
I coasted down the mountain
And slept in a shed so he couldn't find me.
I cried for my animals and their safety.
I had no where to go
I had no money
He took everything from me.

My dignity
My sanity

I hid the van
( I had traded it for a .22 pistol the day before)
in the trees
grateful for the pioneer that had built this shed
that I had been eyeballing
for months.
I knew it was there.
I found it 4 wheeling with my dog.
The important thing was
He didn't.

I had my below zero sleeping bag
and 2 tarps.
One for the ground
One to cover me.
I could see the stars through the missing boards
that used to be a roof.
It was freezing...but I was warm, in an odd way.
I wondered if I would die of hypothermia
and prayed that he didn't hurt
Mikey and Mitzy.
That was the hardest...leaving
my sweet, loyal animals.
I knew I couldn't take them to shelter and
I knew that was where I had to go.
I couldn't believe it.
He stuck a gun in my face!
He stuck a gun in my face!
Then he went to Church
Screaming at me as he walked out the door
Because I was late.
Why was I ashamed?

I was late all right.
I planned it.
I knew I would have that
three hour window
Before he would get back.

So I stayed in the shed
Two years ago tonight.
Tomorrow was going to be another day
A safe day....
Two years ago tomorrow.

Jesus said: "Rise, take up thy bed, and walk." John 5:8 KJV

I am.

I am purging...Yesterday can finally be gone...Today is here...
And the Future is once again

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Slip Sliding Away...

I have been thinking a lot about why I started writing this blog. The purpose was...write about the Lord before I write about NASCAR. Put my energy first into The Gospel, before I even looked at any of my feeds, or did any of the Social Media I do for race teams...etc...etc...If you look at the date of the previous post, you can see how well I have done.
I repent!

Another purpose was to connect with other members throughout the LDS Blogs, keep The Gospel in the forefront. I am on the computer so much, I can get quite isolated, which is:
A. Not very healthy,
B. Not good for the size of my butt.
C. Etc...etc...on and on... Ad nauseum.

So I am committed to once again...Begin the Begin.. Again.

I have lived for several years in a small town in Eastern Oregon, recovering from a very abusive marriage. I am so grateful The Lord placed me where He did. (And He did place me there.) He plopped me right in the middle of no where...knowing that that was exactly where I needed to be, with exactly the people and services He needed me to be with.

Recently He brought me back to Boise. I had been thinking about it, planning it, and praying for a way that I could do the move myself. It seemed an impossible task. I had been laid off my "real" job that paid an hourly wage, didn't have enough hours in the past two quarters to draw unemployment, and had become totally dependent on the Church for my basic needs and necessities.

But He lifted me up and out of there...back to Boise where all my children and grandchildren are. I had Easter, for the first time in years, with all my girls and their families. My best friend since 6th grade has provided me with a beautiful I could never of dreamed of living in. One of my race teams has provided me with a fancy schamcy phone with unlimited everything on it... my needs are met for this month. Things are picking up in my freelance work. I am looking for a "real" job...praying for The Lord to pick the perfect one for me. I know He will provide me with exactly that.

So Onward, Ever Onward... and more later. I have a lot to write, two very important anniversary dates I want to expound upon, along with insights about the lessons and experiences those anniversaries represent to me.

Blessed Be!